FAQ #3- Ideal Dom

I hope everyone is enjoying the lovely weather. It is very nice here in New England.

Below is a picture I took on the beach last week when the sun was perfect and the air was nice and cool:

Alas...another work week has gone by and it is once again time for Confessor FAQ Fridays!

What do I look for when considering a Dom?

Answering this question definitely varies according to what stage of my life I am currently in, what I am looking for, and what I want to experience.

For example, if I wanted to be free to explore different fetishes and interests with other people, I would not start a D/s relationship with a Dom who didn't want me playing with others.

No matter what the situation is, I will not give a Dominant-type the time of day unless I feel respected by them. I cannot count the number of messages I receive on FetLife where Dominants will ask me if I am horny and want to be dominated, or if I am looking for a Master. I do have an About Me section on my profile. Please read it. To future newbie Doms who may be reading this: Please read the profiles of the person you are about to message. It not only helps you in picking your conversation topic, but also lets you see if you will be compatible with the other person.

Respect and Trust are two very important and difficult things to explain. They go hand in hand with one another and provide the basis to any potential relationship. Besides getting the creepy messages on kink fetish sites, I have also come across people who think I am dumb or not careful because of my age. Yes, I am only 20 years old, however, I understand and can pick up the warning signs from Tops and Dominants who are trolls and are unsafe. I may be new to the physical scene, but I am in no rush to enter into a play session without proper safety precautions and references.

Besides the basic safety requirements of a potential Dom, I look for a Dominant who is relatively experienced. I am discovering that these types of Doms are very much older than myself. I also look for a Dominant who is interested in some of the things that I want to try and already know that I enjoy. In addition to having the same interests, I must also feel that submissiveness towards them when we meet in person. It is very hard to be submissive towards a person that I do not feel naturally submissive to, even if they are a Dom.

I guess this turned into more of a rant about annoying Doms. I apologize. So here is the list to future Doms who are just starting out:

1. Cut and paste generic messages are NOT cool. Don't do it. It may be easier than writing a long personal message, however, you won't get a response back from a serious and dedicated sub that could potentially be a strong fit for you.
2. Get a picture on your profile that is NOT a cock shot. If that is your profile picture it may seem like you are only looking for sex and you are not experienced or committed.
3. Don't be offended if a sub asks you for references. It is their life that will potentially be in your hands. It is also good to build a positive reputation in your surrounding area.
4. Get INVOLVED! Go to local munches. Meet other Tops and Dominants that could mentor you or teach you new tricks of the trade. If you are of the proper age for your local play space, go out into the scene and absorb as much knowledge as you can. A fellow Dom could even monitor a scene you wanted to try.
5. Don't pull the Dom-card when it isn't need. You are new to the scene and probably don't have much experience in general with relationships never mind a power exchange dynamic and impact play. You will make mistakes and you will need to ask for help. Don't let your pride as a Dom hinder your ability to grow and learn for yourself.

I am sure there is more I could add to this list. However, these are the big ones.

Have a great weekend!!

As always, please comment or leave any questions you want answered.

Tune in next Friday for Confessor FAQ Fridays: FAQ #4- What I Look for in a Hypnotist.

Cheers!

confessor_k