So, besides the two stories that I recently posted (which you should read! click here and here!!), my recent posts have been somewhat...depressing?...down?...sad?
Fear not! I had this amazing revelation....well...more so ongoing healing with the help from some great friends and family.
The feeling 'hit' me when I came home from my birthday celebrations at The Society on Sunday. I have never had a birthday party surrounded by friends with whom I felt so comfortable and connected with and who would 'take me for what I am'. (I also have never blown out birthday candles and had people sing happy birthday to me while I was topless with a very red bottom...hehe).
Certain friends came specifically to see....me?... I've never felt so grounded and wanted. I've never had friends who feel so deeply for me. When I walked into the building I breathed a sigh of relief and felt happy. I was home. I would always have a home. The numerous amounts of people who hugged me and spanked me and sang for me, proved to me that I deserve this all the time.... especially in my relationships.
I've been short-changing myself (which my therapist has been telling me for a while now). I deserve more than the occasional after thought. I deserve attention. I deserve time. I shouldn't have to walk on egg shells to appease others. I shouldn't have to wonder when I'll be able to speak to someone who calls themselves my friend. I have so many amazing qualities to share and develop. I'm tired of treating myself as a secondary.
It sucks that it's taken getting my heart broken a few times to realize this. I am grateful for those who seem to always be there to lift me up in my moments of weakness. I cannot begin to thank my chosen family at The Space who participated in the festivities. Whether you spanked, or baked or hugged, or sang quite loudly, I enjoyed every minute of it.
So with this, I plunge into the unknown. Never faltering in what I need and want....and if I do I will call for back up :)
Cheers!
confessor
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